All Because of a Tree & other One Shot's
by Shadow of the Forgotten
Summary: A collection of humorous one shot's involving the Spirit Detectives. Includes: Hiei meeting his match in a human, Kuwabara being...well...Kuwabara, everyones favorite fox demon in heels and more.
1. All Because of a Tree

As requested this has now been made into it's own story under 'All Because of a Tree'

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Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show. Though I do own Ani and her witty comments.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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**BEEP**

**BEEP**

**BEEP**

**BE-**

"Dammit, I'm up all ready." A female's voice grumbled from underneath her black comforter. Sitting up, the almost 18 year old threw her blanket off of her body and stared at the clock that said it was barely 6 o'clock in the morning. Standing up, she yawned before stretching the kinks out of her back. Running a hand through her chin length black and red streaked hair, the 5'11" high school senior grumbled about stupid alarm clocks and the annoying brothers that set them. Opening her closet she found a pair of black cargo pants that she had decorated with assorted types of chains and put them on. Moving to her dresser she pulled on a tight black t-shirt that said _If You Were Twice as Smart, You'd Still be Stupid_. She grabbed her favorite combat boots and headed out of her room. Usually she'd get revenge on her brother for waking her up on a Saturday, but today she just felt like walking through the park. When she got to the kitchen she left her mom a brief note explaining where she was, and took off down the street.

Suddenly her cell phone started ringing. "Hello, this is Ani speaking. Who are ya and what do you want?" She answered politely.

"Hey Ani." A soft voice replied giggling. "Don't you think you should stop answering your phone that way?"

"Heh, hell no Keiko. It's my phone and I'll answer it how I want." Ani replied smiling. Then she thought about what time it was and freaked. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CALLING MY CELL THIS EARLY IN THE FREAKING MORNING?" She screamed at her best friend.

Gulping, Keiko tried to calm down her angered friend. "W-well I figured that your brother would pull his famous stunt and that you'd already be awake. You were awake, right?" She asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I was." Ani said trying to hold back her laughter. Keiko was just too easy to goad. "So getting back on subject, what exactly did you call me for?"

"Huh…Oh yeah, I called to see if you'd like to go on a double date with me and Yusuke tonight." Keiko replied happily. Yusuke has been her boyfriend for two years now and they loved spending time together.

Ani stopped walking and almost dropped her phone. "I must not have heard you right." She said dazedly. "It sounded like you asked if I wanted to go out on a date with you and your boy toy."

Laughing nervously, Keiko tried to come up with something to say that would not make her friend hang up on her. "Hehe, well you see…Yusuke has this friend that he thinks might get along well with you, and being as how you think all the guys around you are complete morons I figured I'd help set you up with someone different." Cringing, she waited for her friends' explosion.

"YOU WHAT?" Ani yelled. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD BE WILLING TO GO ON A DATE WITH SOME STRANGE GUY?"

"Now don't be like that Ani, it's only a few friends going out together. So it's not like an actual date." Keiko said pleadingly. "And like I said before, he's Yusuke's close friend so please calm down." And then, knowing it would get her friend to cave, she began to pout. "But, I suppose if you don't want to I could try to find someone else."

Growling, Ani hung her head. She hated when Keiko started pouting, it makes her agree to just about anything. Sighing she replied. "Fine, I'll go with you and Yusuke tonight. But don't expect me to enjoy it."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. Well, I'll come to your house tonight at 8pm and we can carpool to the restaurant. Thanks again." Keiko chirped as she hung up.

Ani stared at her phone stupidly. 'What have I gotten myself into now?' She thought to herself. Shaking her head, she continued her walk to the park. When she got there she headed towards a secluded area that no one ever went to. She had found it a few years ago when she was wandering around the town. Walking through some hedges, she saw her spot. It was a clearing almost completely circular in size and it had a huge tree in the center. Whenever she came here she would just lounge around under the tree and bask in the sunlight. Lying down in a comfortable spot, Ani let her eyes drift shut.

Suddenly her sun became blocked and a cold voice spoke. "Move now."

Opening her eyes, she saw a somewhat short man dressed all in black, with a white bandana on his forehead and black hair that stood straight up in the air. He was glaring at her. As she stared at the man who interrupted her nap, she began to get pissed. "Who the hell died and made you boss shorty?" She asked, glaring at him heatedly.

Hiei was beyond pissed. First he had to listen to Yusuke beg about going out with him and Keiko, and now a _human_ was in _his_ spot. Not only that, but she had just called him short. Clenching his fists so as not to wring her puny neck, he growled softly. "This is my tree human, now leave."

Ani just looked at the annoying pest and smiled. Usually she'd just get into a fist fight and end the argument quickly, but seeing the look on the man's face she decided to have a little fun with him. "Awe, how sweet. And how long have the two of you been dating?"

Hiei froze. Had she just…yes she did. She dared to imply that _he_ was dating a tree. His growl became louder.

She just smirked. It seemed like the pest was getting annoyed. Good, now he knows how she felt when he oh so rudely interrupted her cat nap. "So what's her name?" Ani asked, trying not to bust out laughing.

His growling continued to get louder and his eyebrow began twitching. 'How. Dare. She.' Hiei thought furiously. Gritting his teeth, he tried to calm down. But unfortunately, she opened her mouth again.

Faking a pout, Ani said "Fine, don't tell me." Then putting a finger on her chin in thought, she smiled. "I know I'll call her Treela."

Hiei clenched his hands into fists and screamed. "SILENCE!"

Ani blinked, and then began to smirk again. "You shouldn't yell like that around your girlfriend, she might get scared."

Snarling, Hiei decided to leave before he ripped the annoying humans head off.

Once the annoying little man had left, Ani let her laughter out. It had been so funny to see him practically red in the face with his anger. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she stood up and headed back towards her house. She had a lot of chores to do before Keiko came to get her later that night. Humming a tune to herself, she continued on her way.

oooooRestaurant—Later that night

Ani pulled her '74 Mustang into a parking place at the new Italian Restaurant. Stepping out of the car, she made sure her baby was locked up and then followed Keiko inside. While Keiko gave the hostess their names, Ani sat down on the bench and let her eyes wander around. It wasn't a fancy place, but she began to think that maybe she should have worn something other than what Keiko dubbed her 'punk' outfit. It consisted of baggy black pants that had tears and holes all over with fishnet stockings underneath, a black shirt that had fake blood running down the side and her boots. 'Nah.' Ani thought after seeing all the cautious glances she was receiving. 'Who cares what they think.'

"Come on Ani, the boys are already here." Keiko said as cheerful as ever as she walked towards her friend. Grabbing Ani's hand, she practically dragged her through the restaurant as she followed the hostess to their table. During the short trip to the back of the restaurant Ani continually tried to pry Keiko's hands off her arm, but after failing for the fifth time, she gave up.

"Here's your table, ladies." The hostess said politely as she bowed and took her leave.

Keiko said a quick thank you before releasing her friends hand and hugging her boyfriend Yusuke. "I missed you Yusuke." She said as he smiled down at her. Then remembering she wasn't alone she turned around to introduce Ani, when suddenly the man sitting next to Yusuke jumped up from his seat and growled.

"YOU!" The man dressed in black bit out. "What are you doing here you stupid human?"

To everyone's surprise Ani just stood there with a smirk on her face and an evil glint in her eyes. "Well, well, if it isn't the cat nap caper. I could ask you the same thing. Shouldn't you be hanging out with your girlfriend?"

Yusuke and Keiko's mouths dropped open and their eyes began to widen. "Hiei has a girlfriend?" Keiko asked bewildered. Then, glaring at her boyfriend she poked him in the chest. "Why did you have me invite Ani if your friend is already dating someone?"

Yusuke blinked and tried to wrap his mind around the news. Needless to say, it wasn't working too well. "Look Keiko, I had no idea that Hiei was already taken. This is the first I've heard about it." Turning to look at his friend, his eyes narrowed. "How come you didn't say anything?" He growled out.

Hiei just stood there dumbstruck. They actually believed this humans story about him having a girlfriend. What was wrong with those two? Deciding that he better say something to diffuse the situation, he opened his mouth to speak. But once again, _she_ beat him to it.

Ani watched as Keiko and Yusuke turned on the guy named Hiei. Seeing the dumb look on his face she decided to stop her fun. Besides, he looked as if he might destroy the place if the conversation continued any longer. So she spoke up. "Chill out you two; it was just a little joke between the two of us, riiiiight?" She said as she dared Hiei to deny it.

"Hn. Yes, just a joke." Hiei said as he plopped down in his seat still glaring at Ani.

"O…K…" Yusuke said as he sat back down with Keiko. Suddenly Keiko's eyes widened and she slightly jumped. "Oh my, I'm so sorry I forgot to introduce you." She said to Ani. "Ani this is Hiei, Hiei this is Ani." Keiko said smiling. Seeing both parties nod in understanding, she motioned for Yusuke to order.

After the initial fight, dinner went by fairly smoothly with only a few minor insults being thrown back and forth. From there Keiko decided that they should go for a moonlit stroll through the park to which everyone agreed, albeit some of them reluctantly.

Ani had to admit she had had quite a bit of fun this evening. Never before had she gotten so much pleasure from arguing with another person. It was just so enjoyable to see the different facial expressions Hiei went through during the course of the night. And if she was reading him right he was beginning to enjoy it as much as she was. Looking up at the moon, she smiled. It was such a perfect night to be outside. Turning to face her best friend and her boyfriend, she sighed. They would definitely like some alone time. Nodding her head at her decision, Ani grabbed onto Hiei's hand. "Hey you two, we'll catch ya later ok?" She said as she dragged him off towards another part of the park.

Keiko smiled as she watched her friend drag off a stunned Hiei. That was so like her. Trying to make sure that everyone else was happy. Smiling up at Yusuke, she leaned against his chest as they stared up at the stars.

"What are you doing human?" Hiei growled as he jerked his hand away from hers.

Holding her hands up in surrender Ani sighed. "Chill out. I was just giving those two love birds some space. You don't have to stay if you don't want to."

Nodding, Hiei stood staring at her. "I will stay with you since I have nothing better to do with my time."

Ani snorted. "You sure know how to make someone feel wanted don't you?" She asked sarcastically. "But it doesn't make any difference to me what you do so, whatever." She shrugged her shoulders as she finished. Turning her back to him, she started walking towards a familiar row of bushes. Slipping between them, she walked over to her tree and plopped down beneath it. Seeing Hiei's wary eyes on her, she smiled. "Don't worry about it I'm not going to start the whole Treela thing again. Besides, I hear she likes someone else anyway." Ani said smirking.

Hearing her last comment, Hiei smirked as well. "I have never met anyone quite like you before human." He said almost politely. "Tonight has been almost, enjoyable."

"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment." Ani said with a smile. "Though I must admit, I did enjoy myself. It was fun messing with you. Oh, and I do apologize about the whole incident at the restaurant, however you did sort of start it so…"

"I was just surprised to see you, that's all." Hiei said shaking his head. "It is not everyday that a human manages to get me as pissed off as you did. Seeing you at the restaurant just brought all of my anger back to the surface."

Laughing, Ani smiled. "I understand. I get that from a lot of people." Looking up at the moon, her smile widened. "So, you wanna hang out again sometime?"

Looking at her prone figure, Hiei gave a small smile. There were worse things he could be doing. Leaning back against the tree, he nodded. "Sure."


	2. One Person's Stupidity

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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One Person's Stupidity is Another's Entertainment

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It was supposed to be a routine mission, but once again the toddler failed to give the group of spirit detectives all of the information. Yusuke and his friends Hiei, Kurama and Kuwabara were sent to find some ancient artifact in Makai. It was said to give the wielder immense power, and so Koenma decided that it would be best if it were in the hands of Rekai. Unfortunately, that is all the information Koenma gave the group. That is how the four young men ended up wandering around Makai, lost, looking for some unknown artifact of power.

"Damn that toddler!" Yusuke grumbled as he continued to kick a small stone down the path they were currently walking. "You'd think he would've at least told us what it was exactly we were looking for, before having Boton open a portal and sending us to the middle of nowhere."

"Calm down Yusuke." Kurama said smoothly. "I'm sure Koenma would have said something if he had any more information." Of course, neither he nor Youko believed a word of what he was saying, but it worked to calm Yusuke down a little.

Hiei was simply running around killing any lower level demons that happened to cross his path. Hey, what else was he supposed to do? Chase around a butterfly like Kuwabara. 'Idiot.' Hiei thought, as Kuwabara ran head first into a tree and then started blaming the tree for moving in front of him. 'I'll catch stupidity if I stay in this group for much longer.' He thought as he rolled his eyes.

Deciding that they had wasted enough time at their current clearing, Kurama cleared his throat. When his teammates turned their attention on him, he spoke. "Why don't we find some demon around here and ask him if he knows anything about this mysterious artifact." He said smartly. At seeing the nods of his friends, Kurama started to lead the group towards the town they had just past through.

Kuwabara, who had been silent since he was attacked by the tree, decided that he would be the first to find someone and ask for help. So he took off running, only to fall on his butt a few seconds later as he ran into someone. Jumping up, he dusted himself off and looked down at the demon before him. Thrusting his fist into the air, he nearly shouted out. "Feed me to your leader!"

Silence.

Crickets chirping.

Suddenly everyone, including Hiei and the unknown demon, started laughing. Kurama was clutching his sides as he tried to control himself, while Hiei and the demon were chuckling. Yusuke on the other hand was laughing so hard he was rolling on the ground and had tears in his eyes.

Kuwabara just stood there and looked at his friends like they were nuts. 'It wasn't that funny.' He thought to himself.

Finally, Yusuke calmed down enough to speak. "Don't you mean 'Take me to your leader', you idiot?" He asked as he tried to catch his breath.

Kuwabara stood there thinking for a few moments, when his eyes widened in realization. Stuttering, he said. "U-um y-yeah, of course. I knew that. I just said that to make everyone laugh, because I'm the 'Great Kuwabara'." He said as he struck a pose.

Everyone blinked slowly before the laughter began again. This time it was much louder.

Sitting down on a tree stump, Kuwabara watched his friends as they continued to laugh at him. Pouting, he turned his back on them and saw a pretty butterfly. Which of course, caused him to repeat his earlier mishap with the tree.


	3. Kurama in High Heels

For those of you who wanted to see a picture of Kurama in his heels, check out my deviant-art page under the name shads-pics or search for the drawing under the title name.

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Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Kurama in High Heels

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"Botan!" Koenma shouted from behind his pacifier.

"Yes Koenma." Botan replied as the floated into his office.

"Go get Yusuke and the others; I have another mission for them." Koenma said as he handed her the information. "Here are the details; I'll leave it to you to make sure it gets completed on time."

Botan nodded her head before reading the mission. Suddenly her eyes widened. "You must be joking sir." She said. "You can't possibly send the guys on this mission."

"I'm afraid I have no other choice Botan." Koenma said gravely. "They're the only group that's currently available. Now, go." He said dismissing her with a wave of his hand.

Nodding, Botan flew off to the human world to inform the spirit detectives of their new mission. 'I just hope they don't try to kill me for this.' She thought grimly. Not long after, she had arrived at Yusuke's house where the detectives were waiting for her. "Hey guys, I've got the newest mission for you." Botan said with a forced smile. She handed the paper over to Yusuke and waited for their outburst.

'3'

'2'

'1'

"WHAT!!" Yusuke screamed. "You've got to be kidding me. No way am I dressing up like some chick. Mission or no mission, I refuse."

"Yeah, me too." Kuwabara said.

Hiei just snorted before taking off out the window. He was not having anything to do with _that_ mission.

Kurama, being the ever calm one, spoke last. "Calm down Yusuke. It's not a big deal. Besides, it's only one mission so it won't be that bad." He regretted opening his mouth when the other two boys turned on him with matching evil grins.

"Hey, thanks so much for volunteering." Yusuke said smiling.

"Yeah, thanks man." Said Kuwabara.

Kurama stood there dumbfounded. "Wait a minute, I didn't volunteer." He said.

"Sure you did." Yusuke said. "You just said how it wasn't that big of a deal."

Kurama sighed. "Ok, so who's going to be going with me?" He asked as he looked between the two of them.

Yusuke smirked while Kuwabara covered a snicker with his hand.

"Well, about that." Yusuke said as he held up the letter. "It says that only one person has to go, and since you volunteered that means we don't have to."

"But…" Kurama started before closing his mouth. He might as well just accept it since nothing he could do would change anything. "Alright, fine. I'll do this _mission_ by myself." He said gravely.

"Yes!!" The other two shouted at the same time. And then, grinning like maniacs they turned on their prey.

"Time to go shopping." Yusuke said as they each grabbed one of Kurama's arms and drug him out of the house.

'What have I gotten myself into now?' Kurama thought worriedly.

Several hours, and many clothes later, Kurama stood in Yusuke's living room while the guys finished his makeover.

"There, all done." Yusuke said as he finished braiding Kurama's hair. Stepping back, he eyed their work. "I must say Kuwabara you did an excellent job with his outfit."

And indeed he did. The black knee length skirt and red halter top looked surprisingly good on Kurama.

"Thanks." Kuwabara said with a small blush on his face. "You did a good job with his hair and makeup too."

"It's all thanks to Keiko." Yusuke said with a smile. Looking back at Kurama, Yusuke tapped a finger against his chin. "Now the only thing missing is shoes. What do you think Kuwabara, flats or heels?"

Kuwabara looked thoughtful for a moment. "Heels, definitely heels."

"My thoughts exactly." Yusuke said as he pulled a shoe box out of one of the many shopping bags on the floor. Opening the box, he pulled out a pair of black stiletto heels and handed them to Kurama.

"You must be joking." Kurama said eyeing the shoes in disgust.

"Ah, come on. They'll look good on you." Yusuke said with a grin.

Sighing in defeat, Kurama sat down and put them on. Standing up slowly, he tried to keep himself balanced.

"Amazing!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "I didn't think it was possible to stand in those things."

"It's very dif-" Kurama started, before he was interrupted by someone yelling.

"Yusuke, I'm home!" Keiko shouted as she entered their apartment.

Kurama was startled by her entrance and lost his balance, falling right into Yusuke's arms.

"Yus-" Keiko started to say as she entered the room only to pause at the sight before her. "YUSUKE!!" She screamed. "Who is this woman and why are you holding her? Are you cheating on me?" She asked with tears in her eyes.

Yusuke was too stunned to say anything. First Kurama falls on him and then his girlfriend comes in and accuses him of cheating on her.

Unfortunately, Keiko took his silence as an admission of guilt. "I knew it, you are cheating on me." She cried as she ran out of the apartment.

"Keiko, wait!" Yusuke yelled as he threw Kurama off of him and ran after her.

Kurama sat on the floor looking dazed. "What in the hell just happened?" He asked confused.

Kuwabara just started laughing. "Let's just say you won't have to worry about having problems with the mission since you definitely look the part."


	4. Reaper for a Day

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Reaper for a Day

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"I can't believe you hurt Botan like that." Kuwabara said, shaking his head at his half-demon friend. "That's not right."

"Would you give it a rest already?!" Yusuke shouted. "I didn't mean to. How was I supposed to know that my spirit gun would reflect that guys attack like that? Besides, Botan's already dead, how can she get hurt?"

"Just because she's dead doesn't mean she can't feel." Kuwabara replied. "It doesn't take a genius to figure that out."

"Hn. Obviously, since you figured it out." Hiei said with a snort.

"Hey!" Kuwabara yelled. "That wasn't nice, take it back."

Rolling his eyes, Hiei proceeded to follow the fox into the toddlers' office.

"We're back Koenma." Kurama said politely as he bowed his head in respect. "We were able to kill the demon; however, there was a slight accident."

"I know all about Yusuke's reckless behavior." Koenma said as he glared at the Spirit Detective. "Botan informed me of it before she went to the infirmary." Putting down his stamp, the pint-sized ruler sat back and crossed his arms. "Now what am I supposed to do?" He asked. "With Botan temporarily unavailable, who's going to transport the departed souls to spirit world?" Seeing that Yusuke was about to open his big mouth, Koenma continued. "That was a rhetorical question you idiot." He said sternly. "Since this was all _your_ fault, it's obviously going to be you."

"But it wasn't my fault, it was an accident!" Yusuke said for what seemed like the hundredth time that hour. "She just happened to get hit when the attack was reflected."

"I don't care about your excuses." Koenma said. "You could have prevented this from happening if you'd simply thought your attack through."

Kuwabara began to snicker as Yusuke got scolded by the prince, until a heated gaze landed on him. "And since you seem to think this situation is so funny, you can help Yusuke out." Koenma said.

"Bu-." Seeing Koenma narrow his eyes, Kuwabara decided it was time to shut up. "Yes sir." He mumbled.

"If that is all, may we go?" Kurama asked, hoping to get out of there before the situation included him as well. "I need to get home and finish my school project."

When the toddler nodded his head, Hiei and Kurama quickly walked to the door. Pausing as he walked through, Hiei turned to smirk at the two that were currently being told the 'rules' of being a grim reaper. "Stupid humans." He said with a small chuckle, before disappearing after the fox. Sure it would be fun to stick around and watch, but there was no way he was going to be dragged into it.

Yusuke glared at the now closed door until he was hit upside the head by Koenma. "Eh heh, sorry." He mumbled as he turned his focus back to the prince. "You were saying?"

Koenma rolled his eyes. "Why do I even bother, it's not like anything gets through that thick skull of yours anyway." He muttered in annoyance. With a sigh he opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a box, tossing it to the detective, he continued. "Here are all the supplies you're going to need for the job." He said as Yusuke started opening the box. Mentally counting down, he made it to two before Yusuke screamed.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!!" He shouted as he threw the box as far away from him as he could. "There is no way in hell I'm ever wearing that!"

"Wearing what?" Kuwabara asked as he walked over to the box to peer inside. "Woah, no wonder you freaked, I'd never wear that either."

Narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms, Koenma glared at the two teens. "You can and you will!" He said firmly. "It is a requirement for the job; all grim reapers must wear this kimono. It's been this way for as long as I can remember." Seeing the two boys about to object, he continued. "I don't care if you want to or not, you will, and that's final."

"Bu-." Yusuke and Kuwabara said at the same time, only to be cut off.

"No buts. Pick up the box, go change, and get to work." Koenma all but growled. "And if I hear one more complaint, I'll tell Keiko and Shizuru and let them _deal_ with you."

Both teens eyes widened and they paled. Glancing over at the box, they looked back at each other before nodding. "That won't be necessary." Yusuke said as he went to pick up the box. "No need to bring the girls into this, we're going right now." With the box under his arm, he turned and walked out of Koenma's office, Kuwabara hot on his heels.

Once the door had shut and he was alone, Koenma began to laugh. "Ha hah hah, I can't believe they fell for that." He said to himself. "'Grim reapers must wear a kimono', yeah right. What a load of crap, but then again, they never were the sharpest tools in the shed." Picking back up his stamp, he began sifting through his paperwork once more. "Now if all goes according to plan, Botan should be able to get some _very_ interesting pictures." Grinning maniacally, he began laughing once again.


	5. Some Days Just Suck

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

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Some Days Just Suck

* * *

You ever have one of those days when from the moment you wake everything goes down hill. You burn your breakfast, miss the bus, end up late for class, forget your lunch money and trip over air while walking home. Well, that's exactly how Yusuke's day started out. Throwing open his front door, he kicked off his shoes and tossed his bag on the floor. Glancing at the note his mother left on the table, which had some scribble about going out for a drink, he shook his head and headed into the kitchen to grab some food since he hadn't eaten since last night.

Right as he was picking up his bowl of ramen, hey it's easy to make, his communicator began to buzz and startled him enough to spill his food all over the floor. "Dammit!" Yusuke shouted as he pulled open the annoying device from Spirit World. "What do you want?!"

"Well hello to you too Yusuke." Botan said from the other side. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Yusuke mocked quietly. "Of course you are, and you made me drop my food."

"Sorry, but Koenma has an urgent mission for you so you need to get here quick. I'll open a portal for you." Botan replied quickly.

Rolling his eyes, Yusuke snapped the communicator shut and shoved it in his pocket. Seconds later the portal appeared and he walked through, right into Koenma's office. "Ok toddler, what do I need to do this time." He asked, crossing his arms.

"There's a D-class demon that just came through from Makai and I need you to go destroy it before it can do any damage." Koenma said without looking up from the pile of papers he was digging through. "Botan knows where it is so she'll open a portal for you."

"So am I doing this alone then?" Yusuke asked curiously. "Not that it matters, I'm more than capable of killing a low class demon like that by myself."

"Yes, Kuwabara's been grounded, Hiei's in Makai on patrol and Kurama's currently on vacation with his family." Koenma replied, looking up at the spirit detective for the first time.

"Whatever." Yusuke said as he headed over towards Botan. "Well, open the way."

Nodding, Botan opened the portal and closed it after Yusuke disappeared.

"Do you think he even noticed he was barefoot?" Koenma asked curiously.

"I doubt it." Botan said as she pulled out her oar. "Well I have to get back to work." Seeing Koenma nod, she flew off out the window.

ooooo

Yusuke stepped out of the portal and immediately looked down as he felt something squishy on his foot. "Gross!" He cried as he wiped the mud off on the grass. Wiggling his toes, he groaned. "I'm barefoot, this sucks." Shaking his head, he proceeded to walk down the forest path. "This day just keeps getting better and better." He grumbled in annoyance.

After about ten minutes of walking, which wouldn't have take nearly as long if he hadn't had to keep stopping to remove some foreign substance from his feet, Yusuke finally reached a clearing. Sitting down on a stump, he crossed his arms. "This is stupid, I should just go home and get my shoes and then come back out looking for this demon. At least then I won't be so damn uncomfortable." Reaching into his pocket he suddenly heard a loud noise. Looking in the direction it came from, Yusuke's head dropped. "So much for getting my shoes."

"Oh look, a tasty human." The fat demon bellowed as he wobbled towards Yusuke.

Rolling his eyes, Yusuke stood up and pointed his index finger at the demon. Without any hesitation, he shot the demon in the chest. "Spirit gun!" Smirking as he watched the pathetic demon explode, Yusuke grimaced as parts of the demon began to fall everywhere, including on himself. Staring down at the sticky residue that covered his body, he groaned. "Disgusting." With one hand Yusuke tried to wipe some of the substance off while the other pulled out his communicator and contacted Botan.

"Are you done al-…" Botan trailed of as she stared at the filthy detective. "What happened?" She asked after several seconds had passed.

"Nothing, just open a portal for me so I can go home." Yusuke said tiredly. "I just want to take a shower and go to bed."

Nodding her head, Botan opened a portal and closed the link. "Poor boy." She said, chuckling softly as she went off to report to Koenma. "He looked so exhausted. This has got to be the worst day ever for him."


	6. Hell Hath No Fury

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Hell Hath No Fury

* * *

"Keiko, I said I was sorry!" Yusuke cried pitifully into the phone as he walked into Koenma's office in spirit world. "It's not my fault the toddler called me in while we were on a date." Knowing what was coming next he held the phone away from his ear, unfortunately, that allowed the rest of the occupants in the room to hear her very unhappy response.

"Then why don't you quit? I'm your girlfriend, I should be more important than some stupid mission! Obviously you don't feel that way about me though, so maybe we should spend some time apart!" Keiko's voice screamed over the line.

Before Yusuke could say a word, or more accurately grovel and beg for forgiveness, Keiko hung up and he was met with the dial tone. "Dammit!" He growled angrily, closing his phone with a snap and shoving it into his jeans pocket.

"Problems?" Hiei asked with a smirk from his spot against the wall. He didn't even flinch when Yusuke's spirit gun blast tore a five inch hole through the wall just to the side of his head. "I'll take that as a yes then." He said, smirk still in place.

With a growl, Yusuke launched himself at his pintsized teammate, only to be stopped abruptly by Kurama's plant. "Let me go Kurama, I'm gonna kill the pipsqueak!" Yusuke screamed in anger, arms pulling at the vines that had wound around his legs.

"Calm down Yusuke, killing Hiei will accomplish nothing. Besides, we're already down one fighter since Kuwabara's got the flu." Kurama stated in a calming tone.

Yusuke was just starting to relax when Koenma walked in. Kurama shook his head and groaned. 'This is not going to be pretty.' He thought with a sigh.

"It's about time you three got here. I was getting ready to send Botan out after you." Koenma said in annoyance as he walked over to his desk. "I've got a very import-…Kurama, why is Yusuke all tied up?"

Before anyone could say a word, Yusuke blasted the vines off his legs and stormed over to Koenma, spirit gun charged and looking quite deadly. "This is all your fault you damn toddler!" He yelled angrily. "Because of your stupid missions Keiko is breaking up with me!" Grabbing Koenma by the collar, Yusuke began to pull him over the table towards him. "I think I'll kill you first, and then I'll move on to Hiei."

Koenma's eyes widened and he began to struggle as the pissed off teen before him readied his attack. "BOTAN!" He screamed.

"Yes Koenma?" Botan called out as she 'poofed' into the room. "What can I do fo-." Trailing off she blinked at the scene before her. Yusuke had his spirit gun aimed at Koenma's face while Kurama stood off to the side trying to calm the boy down, and Hiei, well he sat against the wall with an evil grin on his face.

"Botan, open a portal now!" Koenma cried out when he saw her from the corner of his eye.

Snapping out of her surprise, Botan quickly opened a portal at Yusuke's feet and watched as he disappeared from sight.

Koenma straightened his shirt and cleared his throat once the teen was gone. "You're to apprehend a D class demon who's recently crossed into your world." He said, attempting to appear un-phased by Yusuke's attack mere moments ago. The sweat on his brow and his still wide eyes, however, gave him away. At least he was standing behind his desk so they couldn't see his knees shaking. Pressing a button on his desk, Koenma watched as a large screen displayed an image of the demon he was referring to. "Well, off you go."

Kurama nodded his head as he walked over to the portal and stepped in, Hiei boredly following after.

Once the portal was closed, Koenma collapsed on his desk. "That was scary." He whimpered as he buried his head in his hands. "I think I'm going to hide in my room until I stop shaking." On wobbly legs he stood up and slowly walked out.

Botan shook her head as Koenma left the room. Pulling her oar out of thin air, she was about to fly off when something caught her eye. Cocking her head to the side, she bent over and picked the item up. "Hmm, Yusuke must've dropped his phone when I opened the portal. I'd better hang onto it until he gets back." Tucking the phone into her pocket, she sat on her oar and took off.

ooooo

Keiko sat staring at the phone like she'd been doing for the last half hour, but still it didn't make a sound. "I was sure he would've called to apologize by now." She muttered, wiping the tears from her eyes with a nearby tissue. "Unless…" She trailed off and began to sob. "…maybe he really does want to break up!" Hugging her pillow to her chest, Keiko started to break down and then froze. "Or, he could be waiting for my call." She said suddenly. "He's probably giving me some time to cool off."

Rubbing her eyes with her sleeve, Keiko smiled slightly. "I have to call him right away!" Picking up her phone she hit redial and waited for Yusuke to pick up.

ooooo

Back in spirit world, Botan had just arrived in her room when suddenly her pocket began to vibrate. Pulling out Yusuke's phone, she was tempted to let it go to voicemail, but her curiosity got the better of her so she hit send and put it up to her ear.

As soon as the phone connected, Keiko hurriedly began speaking. "Listen Yusuke, I'm sorry about earlier. I know it's not your fault that you get called away all the time, it's Koenma's, and if I ever get my hands on him he'll pay dearly, but I just got so angry that I took it out on you. Please say you'll forgive me, I don't want to be apart!" She cried.

There was silence on the other line and Keiko began to worry. 'Maybe he really does want to break up.' She thought, tears rolling down her face.

"…um, Keiko, this is Botan. Yusuke's on a mission right now." Botan said finally.

"Botan?" Keiko questioned. "But this is Yusuke's cell number, why do you have his phone?"

"He dropped it when he went through the portal so I thought I'd hold on to it." Botan replied.

Keiko paused. "…oh." She said slowly. "Well…um, thanks I guess."

"No problem."

They were both quiet for a minute, neither sure what to say next. It was Botan who spoke up first. "So, I guess you're pretty mad at Koenma huh?" She asked curiously.

And just like that they found some common ground. "You have no idea. He's always dragging Yusuke away on silly missions and he doesn't seem to care what it does to us! He's such a jerk!" Keiko complained.

"Yeah, Koenma gets a little carried away with his job sometimes." Botan said sympathetically. "I've dealt with him for centuries; he's always been that way."

"Do you think it would help if I talked to him?" Keiko asked suddenly. "Maybe he'd back off a little."

Botan snorted. "The only way he'd back off is if he were locked up somewhere for awhile." She said with a small laugh.

There were several seconds of silence and then. "Botan, take me to spirit world…now!" Keiko demanded

"Now hold on, I was only joking." Botan said. "You can't just barge into spirit world and lock Koenma up, you'd get in a lot of trouble."

Keiko sighed. "I know, but I feel like I should do something you know. Teach him a lesson maybe, or at least make him think about others for a change. I just hate the fact that Yusuke's always being drug off somewhere, I miss him."

Hearing the sadness in the young woman's voice, Botan shook her head. 'Maybe I should help her out. It's not like she's asking that much; she just wants to send Koenma on a short…vacation.' She thought, and then coming to a decision, she smiled. "Keiko, I think I will help you out. I could use a break myself too."

"Really?" Keiko asked excitedly. "You'll help me lock Koenma up for a few days?"

"I'd prefer to think of it as giving him an unwanted vacation, but yes." Botan replied. "I'll have to leave the actual locking up to you, can't have Koenma finding out I did it after all, but I'll get you into spirit world and help you find the perfect place to stash him for awhile. The rest will be up to you. Does that work?"

"Absolutely!" Keiko chirped happily. "Once you get me in there I'll handle the rest."

"Alright, I'll open a portal for you now." Botan hung up the phone and opened a portal into Keiko's bedroom. Seeing the dark haired teen sitting on her bed, Botan smiled. "Well, let's get going." She said with a wave of her hand.

Jumping up, Keiko followed after the peppy grim reaper and stepped through the portal. Seconds later she found herself inside what she could only assume to be Botan's room as the bedding and walls were all a variation of the color pink. "Nice place." She said politely, wringing her hands together nervously.

"You can always go back home, forget about this little scheme of yours." Botan offered with a small smile as she eyed Keiko's hands. "It's not too late."

Keiko stilled her hands before straightening up and squaring her shoulders. "No, I'm fine." She said firmly. "Someone needs to teach Koenma a lesson…or something. Besides, Yusuke and I have a date tomorrow and I want to make sure there are no work interruptions." Her eyes turned evil and she grinned before continuing. "Maybe I'll accidentally lose the key and then I can have Yusuke to myself for the whole weekend."

Eyes widening slightly, Botan gulped. 'Ok, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.' She thought worriedly. 'I think Keiko's getting a _little_ too into this.' However, it was a little late to back out no. That, and the thought of a vacation was far too appealing to pass up. "Ok, let's go find you a place to stash the boss for awhile."

ooooo

Twenty minutes and an unknown amount of hallways later, the pair found themselves deep within the large building that resided in spirit world.

"This place is huge." Keiko said in awe as they walked. "I had no idea all this existed in spirit world, of course I never really thought about it, but still, a building this large, why would spirits need this much space? Can't they just…um…shrink or something?"

Blinking at the random question, Botan paused and looked at Keiko oddly. "I'm not sure whether to laugh, or ask you if your medication's worn off." She said slowly. "You're about to lock up the ruler, albeit an annoying little runt of a ruler, of spirit world and you're wondering why the building's so large. Are you in shock or something, should we turn back now?"

"What? I'm fine." Keiko replied. "I just figured a little conversation was in order, it was too quiet and I was starting to get bored."

This time Botan did laugh. "Haahaaha! You know, I knew there was a reason I liked you." Wiping some tears from her eyes, she continued on her way down the hall, Keiko following after with a shake of her head.

Several more minutes passed in silence before Keiko spoke up again. "So, what exactly are all these rooms for?" She asked curiously. "It looks like this place hasn't been used in years."

"More like centuries, but that's not really the point, these used to be holding cells for spirits that were…unruly so to speak. We'd stick them here for a few hours or so for them to calm down before transferring them to their new home. But that was back before we got more personnel and started using a new system, they're of no use nowadays." Botan said, coming to a stop in front of one of the doors. "Which is why they'll be perfect for our little plan. No one will come down here, and we're so far down that nobody will be able to hear him. It's perfect."

Eying the nondescript door, Keiko shrugged. "If you say so, that's good enough for me."

Botan pulled a key out of her kimono and handed it over to Keiko. "Here's the key…" She said before grabbing a notebook and pencil from her pocket and scribbling some things down. "…and here's a map that'll get you to Koenma's office and back here again so you don't get lost. I still have Yusuke's cell so you can call me once he's locked up and I'll come take you back home."

Taking the key and map, Keiko gave Botan a smile. "Thanks for all your help; I couldn't have done this without you." She said with gratitude.

"Don't mention it, I'm just glad to be able to help…and seriously, don't mention it or I'll be screwed." Botan replied with a smile of her own. "Good luck." With a wave, she pulled out her oar and was about to take off when Keiko stopped her.

"Botan, just one last question." Keiko called out quickly. "Um…how gullible is Koenma? I mean, I have a few ideas about how to get him down here and I'm just wondering which one I should use."

Tapping her chin in thought, Botan cocked her head to the side. "Hmm, I'd say he's fairly gullible. He'd probably fall for just about anything." Seeing Keiko nod and then narrow her eyes in thought, Botan shook her head and took off towards her room. "I'm suddenly reminded of a human saying…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and though I wouldn't go so far as to say she's _scorned_, I think it covers things fairly well." She muttered under her breath as she rounded the corner.

As Botan disappeared out of sight, Keiko decided it was time to put her plan into action. Sure it wasn't the most eloquent idea in the world, but if he really was as gullible as Botan said, it should work just fine. Taking a good look at the map, and making sure she knew where she was going, Keiko set out for Koenma's office. "Now let's see, I'll need some paper, a pen and…nope, that's all I need. That and some luck." She mumbled to herself as she walked down the hallway. She walked in silence, running the plan over and over in her head so she wouldn't mess anything up.

When Keiko arrived at the busy work space just outside of Koenma's office, she snuck several pieces of paper and a pen off a random desk and got to work. Since all the employees were busy, no one paid any attention to the human woman working near one of the desks along the back wall. I mean it's not like someone could simply waltz into spirit world, so obviously everyone around was supposed to be there.

Double checking her work, Keiko gave a satisfied nod. "Perfect, now I just need to find a way to get this _important_ memo to him." Letting her eyes drift around the room, she spotted a familiar looking blue ogre with a huge stack of papers in his arms. 'He's the one that works for Koenma…Jorge or something.' She thought, a smile spreading across her face. 'That's how I'll get it to him.' Walking up to the overburdened demon, Keiko placed her paper on the top of the file. "Make sure Koenma gets this ASAP, it's' really important." She chirped in a bubbly voice, hoping he wouldn't realize who she was. "Thanks." And then she quickly turned on her heel and walked away before he could say a word. Ducking around the corner, Keiko took a deep breath. "Now I'll head back to the room and wait."

Jorge groaned under the weight of the files as he stumbled into Koenma's office. "Koenma sir, I got the files you requested." He called out, voice slightly muffled behind the papers.

"Put them on the corner of the desk." The pint-sized ruler said from his seat. "And then get me something to drink, I'm thirsty."

Grumbling, Jorge dropped the files on the desk and turned to leave again. Pausing, he turned back around. "Oh, I almost forgot. I was told to make sure you got this quickly." He said, pulling a paper from the top of the stack and handing it over. "The assistant that gave it to me said it was very urgent."

"Well hand it over idiot." Koenma said in annoyance. "Can't you do anything right. You're supposed to give me the important information first, not wait until the last minute." Snatching the paper from his underling's hand, Koenma quickly read it. Eyes widening, he jumped up. "Crap, I'm going to be late!" He cried. "Father's going to kill me!" Dropping the paper, he fled the room like the hounds of hell were at his heels.

Jorge blinked at the dust trail that followed after Koenma. "I wonder what that was all about." He mused, walking over and picking up the abandoned sheet of paper. As he read the letter, he gulped. "I wonder if I should start looking for another job. King Enma is going to be pissed when his son shows up late to their meeting." Letting the paper fall to the ground, he sighed. "Who am I kidding; Koenma would never let me work for someone else."

While Jorge was feeling sorry for himself, Koenma was flying through the maze of hallways in spirit world looking for the meeting place. "Why the hell did father want to meet so far down here?" He grumbled annoyed. "There's nothing down here but holding cells, and they haven't been used in centuries. Why would he want to meet somewhere so seclude-…oh no, I hope he doesn't want to meet me here so he can punish me for something." Slowing down, he began to sweat nervously. "Crap, what've I done to warrant his wrath lately." Checking the room number on a nearby door to see how close he was, Koenma gulped when he realized that he was right outside the set meeting room. Raising a hand to the knob, he froze. "I can't do this." He breathed out. "I think I'll just pretend I never saw that silly letter and go back to my office now." Nodding at his decision, he began to turn around when suddenly his whole world went dark.

ooooo

Keiko waited quietly in the empty room across from where she was going to lock up Koenma. Holding the stick she'd found in a nearby cell, she took several deep breaths as she listened for any sounds of her approaching victim. 'Just breath.' She thought over and over in her head. 'It's not that hard, a simple hit to the head and he'll be out like a light. Then I can move him into the room and lock him up.' Closing her eyes, she briefly entertained the idea of forgetting her crazy plan and having Botan take her home, but the thought of having her boyfriend to herself for an entire weekend kept her in her place.

Time passed slowly and Keiko found herself counting her heartbeats to keep herself focused. It wasn't working very well though and soon she began to fidget nervously. Several more minutes passed and she was about to give up, certain the ruler had seen through her plan and wasn't coming, when she heard hurried footsteps running down the hall. Keiko listened as the steps slowed, followed immediately by some muffled mumbling that she couldn't make out. Opening the door slightly, Keiko held her breath as her eyes took in the nervous looking toddler.

"I can't do this. I think I'll just pretend I never saw that silly letter and go back to my office now."

Hearing this, Keiko quietly stepped out of the room and raised her stick above her head. As Koenma nodded his head, she brought the weapon down on him hard. Watching as he crumpled to the ground, Keiko released the breath she'd been holding. "Well that was easier than I thought it would be." She said as the adrenaline kicked in. "I guess there wasn't any reason to worry." Tossing the stick on the floor, she grabbed Koenma's arms and slid him into the room. Leaning him up against the back wall, Keiko wiped her hands together and turned around. Walking over to the door, she took one last look at the unconscious ruler and shut the door. "Sleep well."

Keiko closed the door and locked it. Tucking the key into her pocket so she wouldn't lose it, she pulled out her cell and hit redial. Two rings later she spoke up. "Hey Botan, I'm finished now." She said, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips at her job well done.

"I'll open a portal for you." Botan's voice said over the line.

Seconds later a portal opened in the hallway and Keiko stepped through it into Botan's room. Pulling the key out of her pocket, she tossed it to the pink haired grim reaper and smiled. "There's the key, now it's up to you when you want to let him out."

"Wow, you actually succeeded." Botan said in slight shock. "I'm surprised it all worked out. I mean not that I didn't think you could do it, but…you know." She finished with a shrug.

"Yeah, I was shocked he fell for it so easily. I didn't really think my plan would work either, but I'm glad it did. Now I can have Yusuke all to myself for awhile." Keiko replied, eyes lighting up at the thought of her boyfriend.

Smiling softly, Botan decided that no matter what punishment she's given, it was definitely worth it. Standing up, she stretched. "Since your job is finished, I should really get you home now. Don't want anyone snooping around and finding out why you're here." She said as she opened up another portal, this time into Keiko's living room.

"Thanks for all your help." Keiko said, giving Botan a hug. "Please make sure to give Yusuke back his phone when he gets back, and have him call me. I don't want to waste any of our time together."

Botan nodded. "I will, and have fun on your date." Waving, she watched as the teen stepped through the portal and disappeared. "Now I'm free until the gang gets back. I wonder how many episodes of my soap I can get finished." She murmured, plopping down on her bed and picking up her remote.

ooooo

An hour later Botan found herself in Koenma's office opening a portal for the spirit detectives. Rolling her eyes as Yusuke came in complaining, she waited for Hiei and Kurama before closing the opening.

"Where the hell's the toddler?" Yusuke grumbled. "First he sends us on that stupid mission and now he's not even here to listen to our report."

"He's currently…detained." Botan said, trying not to sound suspicious. "Why don't you three just go home for the night and give him the details later."

"But I'm not finished with the runt; I still have a few things to say to him." Yusuke growled, raising his fist angrily.

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Kurama shook his head. "Let it go Yusuke and be thankful that you get to go home right away." Seeing Yusuke's shoulders sag, he turned towards the door. "Botan, a portal please." He asked politely.

With a nod Botan opened a portal to human world and watched as Kurama and Hiei stepped through. As Yusuke headed towards it as well, she raised her hand and called out. "Hey Yusuke, you dropped your phone earlier." She said, holding up the small device.

Pausing, Yusuke turned around. "I did?" Eyeing the item in her hand, he sighed. "Man, it would've sucked to have lost it." He said, walking over and taking it from her hand. "Thanks."

"No problem." Botan replied with a smile. As Yusuke turned back to walk away again, she remembered her promise to Keiko. "Oh, and Yusuke, you really should call Keiko. I'm sure she really misses you."

Waving his hand, Yusuke flipped open his phone. The last thing Botan heard before he disappeared was Yusuke's apology and Keiko's happy cry. Closing the portal, Botan mentally patted herself on the back as she headed back towards her room. "Now I can spend some time focusing on me for a change since Koenma will be out of the picture for a few days." She said happily.

ooooo

In the dark depths of spirit world, Koenma sat huddled in a corner of one of the empty holding cells. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he whimpered softly. "Somebody, anybody, get me out of here!" He wailed.


End file.
